


Not how I envisoned this life

by Dakine1105



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Heartache, Love, Oral Sex, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 13:51:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 23,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8847562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dakine1105/pseuds/Dakine1105
Summary: Over  a decade of love, friendship, pain, sorrow, happiness and joy...and now here I am , here we all are





	1. My story

I am waiting outside my kids school, it's a cold December day, Christmas is lurking up in 12 days and their birthday's they were born on Christmas Eve, twins one boy, named after me and one girl  
they will be 13, hard for me to grasp, I see them as little, time really does fly by, way too fast. They are great kids, full of life, generous and kind, pretty well adjusted but the teen years are upon us  
I was not ready to be Dad , honestly I was not sure I ever wanted kids, but the moment I saw those little faces, I knew being a Dad was the best thing in the world, they are my life. They will always be the best thing in my life, the best thing I ever did, and for that I am one lucky man. I see them come out, they see me and head over, Lila gets in the Front SJ in the back, I smile at them both I have not seen  
then in 4 days I was away, Lila leans over and kisses me, SJ pats my shoulder. lila" dad it' s so great you are home, I missed you and you missed me of course" I laugh and nod and pull out of the school  
"course I missed you , very much and you too young man in the backseat" he smiles and nods out of the two , he is the more quiet one, the both favor me in looks, they both have my eyes, Lila looks like my twin , SJ has more of his Mom in him , but he mostly took after me too. Lila talks to me SJ comments here and there, we get to my home and they file in, both hungry after school as normal ,  
I get them food and SJ starts his homework , Lila comes and hugs me tight, she's a hugger, more so than SJ , he's a sweet kid, just more reserved now that he s almost a teen, I get that, I do, and as of late Lila s been missing me more, don't know why she just has, makes me feel like a bad Dad when I am gone, but it's what I do and they get that but...does not stop the hurt I feel in my heart. Lila"Dad you know how we talked about maybe me going overseas with you in January like a week or so..Mom said yes as long as I get my work from school done...and I really want to go" I look at her and I love she wants to go..."so your Mom is on board for sure?" she nods yes and claps her hands, I look to SJ , "SJ you on board?" he shrugs "I don't know Dad , its like 13 days and I have sports and leaving Mom alone I mean maybe " I nod...he's always been a Mama's boy , nothing wrong with that hell I am 40 & still one, but I would love if he came too "ok buddy you can ..think about it" he nods and goes back to his homework, Lila pulls her out and starts she sees me go sit on the couch and follows me over , sits next to me leaning on my shoulder reading her book, this little girl melts my heart, SJ looks up at us and smiles, brings his laptop in and sits on the floor by the couch, I rub his head a few times then watch him work, these kids..my life. Its after dinner their Mom is here...she was my first...everything, first love, first girlfriend, first time I had sex, then we broke up after highschool briefly then got back together again, we stayed together until the twins were 10, its only been 2 years since we broke up, I still love her, I mean she's a huge part of my life, she was with me when I was just starting out in the business she supported me in every way, she still does, well not money wise , but she used to for a while , she helped a lot , she owns and runs her own bridal gown store here on Stanten island, she went to designer school right after we graduated, and she built herself one successful business, she's always been a hard worker, she inspired me to follow my dreams, never hesitating, even when the twins came and that was hectic, we kept it together. Sadly the more popular things became for me, the more we..drifted apart and I hated it, there were other things mixed in...I could have tried harder too , I did not she is beautiful still,. well always, even more so since I met her in 9th grade, we did a play together we went to separate schools, we met and the rest fell into place. She smiles at me with those pretty hazel eyes as she walks in and up my stairs, she moves her dark hair from her eyes and gives me a quick hug, the kids are in the living room playing the PS4. "good shows the kids told me, glad to be home Sal?" I nod "I am...if only for 4 days till the next shows, how are you doing? " she smiles , my God her smile...:" good, thanks for asking...we are busy for December which is always a good thing lots of weddings" I nod "hey you are coming with the kids to the show in Albany right ? the second one? " she looks over at the kids then me "I would not miss it, we are heading out from school to get to the hotel and settle in before the show" that makes me happy "good I have your package for you three, you know tickets, backstage info" I hand the envelope to her "so Lila told me you are ok with her heading out with me for overseas ?" she nods yes " I talked to her teachers they will give her the work in advance she has to email it, back when its due ...we did promise them when they were teenagers they could go with you next time you went there..and soon they will be....so sure.. .they can " "SJ is not sure..he wants to " she frowns then calls him over he comes over she pushs his shaggy hair from his eyes and smiles & kisses his cheek, he's taller than her, I mean she 's 5'1 but still it s so funny to see him taller than her "Sal are you going to Europe with your Dad & sister?" he shrugs then smirks" mom you know you are one of the few people who call me Sal?" "I know and its your name...Salvatore , Jr...that SJ is..ok but you know you are my little Sal " he blushs then laughs " I know mom I know...I don't ,know I mean its like 13 days...you would be ok? " she smiles and looks at him then me, then him again "I will be fine honey and you are too sweet, you know January gets busy , new brides coming in, you should go , you will miss only 2 of your basketball games, but I mean on tour with your Dad, pretty cool " he nods and smiles at us both " ok I will go...Mom can you talk to my teachers? " she winks at him " already have Sal you are all taken care of....Sal (looking at me) is Colby going?" Colby is Q' s son he had with his ex I nod yes "as far as I know" Colby is 14 a really cool kid , him and SJ and Lila are all close, I love that "good they will keep one another company well....honey you ready? " I look at her " wanna eat? we ate but I have a lot of leftovers? " she nods yes , and says thanks Sal we go into the kitchen I get her food and we sit and talk ..laugh...I enjoy her company. lila" I wish they were still together " I look at my parents sitting in my dad's kitchen talking, laughing, I do too but nothing I can do about it "Llila they just...I mean I don't know I do too...but it did not work out that way " she sits closer to me whispering "but why? I mean ok they never got married, was that a sign? I mean I remember them always getting along SJ" I look at her ..sometimes she lives in fairytale land " Lila they had...arguments and...stuff..." she pokes me.."yeah but mostly they were happy...ooh I do not like Marla" I shake my head in agreence" I don't either , no one does you hear Papa talk about her? she uses Dad...but that's his business and he does not bring her around us too , much...its weird I don't like when she 's around us" I see lila nod and frown, she looks so sad I put my arm around her , we are close, maybe cause we re twins, but I think even if we were not, we would be she's my best friend, I am her big brother my 3 minutes , and I don't like to see her sad "looking forward to our birthday , I am ..gonna be a lot of fun little Lila " she smiles at me and and gives me a quick hug, then gets up to get her phone she was charging, I hear my Dad laugh and look over I admit but only to myself I wish they were still together, more than I want to .


	2. That's not me

I need a break and or caffeine we are so busy today, and I'm ever grateful but being down a worker two of us are just overwhelmed, I do have someone coming in at two that will be a huge help, Gina called in sick, she's always here so I know she must really be sick. Amanda and I are getting some measurements inputted into the system when I hear a voice I know say "excuse me lady, but I think you need this ", I look up to see Sal smiling with two Starbucks cups, he's the best "you are the best thanks Sal " he winks then takes Amanda's cup to her, she talks to him then he comes back over. " Your text back to me was short and sweet I knew that meant your busy busy ...and you needed caffeine" I take a sip ahh refreshing" you know me well Sal , thank you " he laughs a little" Mary honey, I know you better than you know yourself...and there a good thing"  
He's right, he looks sexy, he usually does , his glasses on , he's handsome, sexy, sweet....yeah Mary and he's no longer with me...no dwelling, I do too much of that ." Yes you do Sal....and yes it's a good thing , you and the kids are going to your mom's right ?(he nods) please tell her I said hi "  
" I will, she loves you, she said visit soon, I told her you'll see her at the show". " I do miss her I need to take time to see her, I will, thanks again Sal I have to finish up, I will see you later ok?" He nods takes his keys out of his pocket" ok , see you then, and take a break ", I roll my eyes and nod, he always tells me that.

Amanda" hot....the coffee still is and the man that brought it", I'm hanging up some new dresses I smile yeah he is but..." Don't you miss the sex? I know you do, we've talked, I know how good he is, I mean you two should just hook up". I stop and look at her "hook up? I'm 39 I don't think it's called that Amanda" she smirks " ok then fuck him , rather have him fuck you " " omg stop....shhh",she looks around the store "no one's here...mare come on, he seeing anyone? Ugh that Marla chick, she's a ho bag, I saw her, and she's not very outgoing, ". I sigh "that's not me, he's with her and anyways we ...are friends, co parenting friends ". " That's sad and gross, jump on that man, have you had sex since him? No you haven't I know you haven't ....and I know you're a busy mom, I know you don't bring anyone around the kids,but you belong with Sal ". " You know I love you, also you give me this talk, about once every other month, although the fucking him is a new twist on words, ok...yes sex with him...amazing , granted he's the only man I've been with, but he's ....anyways Amanda I'm supposed to be moving on...he has " she scoffs " he's dated two women since you, I mean come on....listen I love you, you're family to me, you the twins and Sal, why can't you two see what I do? Heck Brian sees it too". She sees Brian Q off and on...they are cute together" I'm not going to ...keep dwelling, I can't it's unhealthy, and...." She nods and sighs and goes to fill in some dresses Oh Sal, I'd take you over any man, I miss you but....he moved on, hard to accept but I'm working on it, and for the kids I try harder than I would normally.


	3. Our kids

We have a day of press for the overseas tour today, I'm not looking forward to it, and I need to be outta here at least by 6 Lila's Christmas choir concert is at 7 I miss enough when I'm out of town, I'm not missing tonight , we are getting set up and they pass around our lists of nots , that's where we each write down what we won't talk about so don't ask...my personal life, there that's my one, which I included means my kids, people know thier names, Yes, seen pictures of them, yes, know how old they are yes, and that's where it ends, I've been asked things like where they go to school, where they're mom lives, yeah it's crossing the line, and frankly really weird . I know people are curious, I get that but not with our kids, I mean my kids....no ours, they are hers too..is it wrong to refer to them as ours? I mean no cause they are. I go to get a bottle of water I think I'm starting to get sick. But I quickly move past that thought. Q comes by me grabs a few water "you know Colby's mom is being a total bitch about him going on tour with me, it's getting harder and harder to stay calm with her ". I nod , his ex Charlotte, char as we call her, likes to bust his hump alot oh and likes his money "What's up with her, she said he could go",."she's just bring.....her, you know how she can get Sal" I nod I know, I don't have that problem with Mary, I have never , I'm lucky in that , but we have a history, maybe that's why Q was with Char around two years " talk to her Sal you know she will listen to you, please, ". I hate he's this upset "course I will buddy, I got this " he pats my back "thanks bro...you do realize how easy you have it with Mary right ? She's pretty damn awesome" I smile and nod, yeah I'm aware , maybe more than I care to admit. I see him, he looks stressed , rushed I wave him over he smiles and sits next to me "omg I'm late did she sing yet, her solo?", I pat his arm, hes so stressed "no you did not , the sixth grade sang first you missed nothing it's ok Sal it's all good " I nod and adjust my shirt I look over at SJ sitting by Marys mom I say hello to them both then look to Mary "wait where s my mom? ", "She's here she went to get tissues she's got a cold , see empty seat next to me that s hers ", "ok good....ok..." She holds my hand and rubs her thumb over it, she does that anytime I'm stressed to help calm me down, it helps "your mom and you are talking ?" She shakes her head no, they have a , well not the best relationship, her mom has never thought Mary chose well in her life, that includes me, she never gives her credit for anything she does, she says you could have done better, she's just that way, it's bullshit but , I tolerate her for Mary and the kids, she loves her grandchildren, treats them well, Mary was very close with her Dad,he passed away last year, he was a great guy, I give her so much credit, she's successful. A great mom, a good human , her mom just won't recognize it, but she adores her son's, it pisses me off, the good thing in it, my mom and her are super close, I've always loved that. " I'm not even going there with her she already commented on my hair, oh that it's not looking good " I look at her hair, it's gorgeous I mean why? Mary looks at me ,"she doesn't think my highlight s are good, she says her stylist can fix it, yeah she's a gem ", "they look good, tell her F off", that makes her giggle which in turn I laugh, ugh I can't stand that woman. My baby girl can sing, so proud of her, the amount of happiness she brings me, SJ too is unmeasurable. I'm home now full blown sick , I'm glad I was able to see her sing, I hope I didn't pass my sickness to her or SJ, but I wasn't feeling as bad as I am now, dammit I go make tea every bone in my body aches I get the tea done, lay on the couch pul the blanket over me and sleep. I open my eyes I hear water running wth did I leave water running I sit up and grab my head it's pounding , it's light out, I slept till morning? Just then I turn to see Mary "hey you, I made soup it's on the stove simmering, I brought you meds, not sure what you had, humidifier is plugged in , in your room , so maybe when you're ready move to there , got you ginger ale too", I just look at her, I squint I see it's 8:23 am. "you , I mean thanks, alot you didn't have to...you're so damn sweet",. She smiles"it's no big deal, last night I saw how you felt, kids texted you morning when you didn't answer I knew you were out cold and sick, so I had to check on you " "Well, I thank you and welcome it, I feel horrible", she smirks " no offense but you look horrible, why don't you shower take some meds, then get into your bed, I got clean PJs out for you, on your bed, the warm shower will help Sal, come on ", she puts her hand out I take it and follow her to my room "shower, you hungry I will get you something when you are done " and with that she leaves to go into the living room , I get undressed and turn the shower on, get in and think of all the reasons we broke up, then I think of all the reasons it was a mistake, wtf is wrong with me? With us? Why can't it just be simple? I wish i knew, cause right now I'm not sure.

It's 7 :20 pm , kids are here , Mary stayed here a bit, went to her store went and got the kids , a huge snowstorm is barreling down on us, roadways have no visibility, high winds , the kids school has already announced its closed tomorrow along with almost every school in the New York area we are in, I go into the kitchen where Mary's working on her laptop " you're not leaving, you're staying here tonight, news just said visibility is bad, and stay off the roads ", she looks at me " you are staying don't even argue, thank you I have PJs of mine for you, kids have thier stuff here, I'll sleep on the couch take my bed ". "you're sick Sal , the couch is mine, but thanks, besides your bed has germs from you laying in it " I laugh she's crazy , I mean it's true but she's crazy , I go sit with the kids, Lila covers me with a blanket sitting next to me "baby girl you're going to get sick" "dad you hugged and kissed me last night, I'm sure it's already in me...but I feel fine" she lays her head on my shoulder SJ ends up next to her on the couch  
Before long they are both out cold I call Mary to come here, she does and smiles really big, SJ fell asleep on Lila, and Lila is sleeping on me she goes and gets her phone takes a picture of them "they are going to be 13 Sal in nine days, where did that time go? ", She sits in the chair by me  
"Too fast , way too fast....I'm telling you I blinked and they are this age ", we talk more about them, then she gets them off to their room to sleep  
I go get her a t shirt and boxers my pj pants are way too long for her, she changes then comes back out, oh fuck she looks sexy, her legs are fucking amazing , that white t shirt , she used to always wear mine it was sexy then and is now, makes me excited glad the blanket is covering me , "thanks Sal no way your pants would work I'd have to roll them like ten times ", ", I know, I mean when your elf size, it's hard with clothes " she sticks her tounge out and sits by me "I'm fun size, I tell you this before Mr...you ok need anything?". Yeah you underneath me, I want her so bad right now, it's she looks so damn good, she took care of me , no one else has ever taken care of me like her, she's looking at me, she bites her bottom lip a little, wtf she knows that turns me on, does she want what I do? Fuck me, I wanna tell her , but if she's not thinking what I am, it's gonna be so damn akward , fml..." No I'm ok , thanks " she nods , I am planning on going to bed , close proximity to her, not helping, but...my hard on keeps me on the couch for a bit more.


	4. I know better

I wake up to not so quiet whispering I hear Sal and....a woman's voice , I move slightly on the couch and can see it's Marla, they are at the bottom of his steps by the door "her sleeping her is not ok with me Sal, wtf is that , the roads were bad , whatever," ",no, not whatever it was horrible out last night you know that, just please stop , she slept on the couch , it's no big deal" "she's your ex, she's the mother of your kids. ...yeah it's a big deal ",  
I hear Lila "Dad since there's no school...oh...hi Marla", "hello Lila, um honey could you give your dad and I a few minutes?", I hear Lila sigh and walk away dammit I want to get up, but....ugh can she please leave! "I've got stuff planned with my kids, but...we can go to dinner later, ok? Just don't be like this, ok? Your making a big deal out of nothing ", I hear her sigh loudly ",,fine you can take me to dinner and z nice place too! I deserve it  
Ok text me later ok sweetheart ?" I hear him say yes then kissing, ugh great , I get up when he's coming up the steps ,"morning Sal thanks for everything, I'm going to change and go home after I see the kids ", "oh ok....I you want to have breakfast with us?". I shake my head no "I have to go home, shower and open the store ", I can't get out of here quick enough, dammit I hate feeling like this, why do I care cause I'm stupid thats why he's not my man anymore. 

"Dad what's up? You keep texting and I see you're mad", I look at SJ "I'm sorry I'll just put my phone down, sorry guys " "dad that's not.....I just meant you ok? ", I don't want to let them know Marla's giving me a hard time, it's nothing they need to know . "It's Marla I bet, whats her problem now , us? I know she gets mad about you being with us, SJ knows too " ",Lila no....it's not , like that ", "look dad guess what we don't like her , infact I hate her, she s mean to you, she tolerated us the few times we were around her, which neither of us want to be again" I look at Lila then SJ , I know they don't like her, it's just getting to be harder to maintain a relationship with her. "Lila it's nothing you have to worry about, you and your brother are my concern , not my relationship, so don't worry about it, that's my business, and you two come first " she picks her phone up and goes to her room slamming the door , I look at SJ "well that went well" he looks at me and tilts his head just like I do when I'm deep in thought " she doesn't like her, I don't but if she makes you happy......I hope ....but I think you're too nice for her , she doesn't seem to appreciate you, or like take care of you like mom does..." He stops after he mentions his mom, he looks uncomfortable"SJ you can tell me anything buddy you know that,", I watch him his mouth twists he looks nervous "I know...it's silly , maybe but ...we just miss you and mom together , I mean most kids want that I guess and It's hard sometimes, but...I mean we deal with it....you get along so good, I mean I know you and mom have your reasons....just Lila and I It's ....how we feel dad ", I see the hurt in his eyes, I could cry, I feel awful I know it affected them but when you hear you're almost 13, year old son it hurts , alot."SJ.....I....know it's not something easy for you and Lila , I went thru it too, and trust me I wanted my parents together , we both love you and Lila, and that's a constant in your lives , and always here for you ". He smiles a little "I know that dad, we both do, I mean you guys are pretty great parents, I understand that the older I get....just that's how I feel I mean we ", I nod stand up and hug him he's sitting down he hugs me around my waist I kiss the top of his head, I hate my kids feel like I did, when I was a kid. She keeps looking at me, I'm not going to change my mind " you're being stupid " I don't respond.." your kids will miss you. I will miss you, sal will miss you oh and his mom " I can't take it " Amanda my kids will be fine, thier dad will be there and his mom, I can't , seeing her with him, i just can't call me weak, pathetic, I know....I just as of late, I really miss him, it doesn't help she s a bitch , my kids can't stand her ", " even more reason for you to come, look I'll get in her face she does anything says anything wrong to the twins, you know that but....please go its you , me , the kids, Colby Bri come on forget her , don't let her do that to you , you're better than that Mary" she's right the kids would be upset, and if I don't go I let Marla control my actions, I can't have that, even though seeing her with him guts me , my kids are more important than my feelings about it...I'm gonna need a lot of wine this weekend, before and after he performs.


	5. The show

The kids are having a good time in thier adjoining hotel room , Amanda and I hear them laughing , it's a sweet sound to my ears, Colby is sharing the room with them, Brian is across the hall from them, Sal next to him , we are getting ready to go eat then go to the show, our hotel is across the street from the venue perfect since it's freezing out, I come from dressing and doing my hair "I love that dress , where did you get it from? Oh good choice Mary". I smooth the bodice and look down at my feet "thanks , lands end I like the deep red color, was thinking of black boots with it?", She nods yes and gives me the thumbs up, I grab my talk black boot socks and zip up my boots "well I am ready .... I'll get the kids ?", She nods yes and gets our coats, I'm going over in my mind , it'll be. Fun night, kids love seeing their Dad perform and I do too, ignoring Marla will be easy, right? Sure thing I lie to myself .

 

I'm watching my kids talk and laugh with Joe. Murr joins in, we go on in thirty minutes or so, Q and Colby walk back in from going out to be sure his parents tickets were at the box office out front, Amanda joins them coming back in, she's good for Q, he won't get serious...yet Q likes to take things slow in relationship's sometimes too slow, but he deserves someone sweet like her, I've known her 12 years , she's a good woman, I'm wondering where Mary is, Lila said she was coming back almost 40 minutes ago, Marla is sitting talking to Judy she's the camera Woman for our live shows, I walk over and join the kids and guys , I hear Joe say hey there she is, I turn around and see Mary walk in, she looks gorgeous, red dress ,red looks good on her with her dark hair, boots, yeah I got a thing for a woman in a dress and knee high boots, damn. I smile at her she smiles back I start to say something when Marla calls me to come by her, I go over , Judy excuses herself and goes "does she have to be backstage?", She looks at Mary then me "no she doesn't but she's welcome too, and that's ok with me, don't start, this is a pointless conversation, and I'm not doing this with you " she gives me a dirty look then focuses on her phone , I go back to where I was , Lila moves next to me hugs me I put my arm around her shoulder and hold her close to me, I'm half listening to the conversation, my eyes keep darting to Mary, I can't help it, and I don't want to.

I'm coming from the store downstairs in our hotel, I forgot floss which for me is funny cause I usually have at least one in my purse, I push the button waiting for the elevator, I hear what I'm pretty sure is Sal's voice, I peer ariund the corner there's two chairs and a table few feet away is a couch Marla is standing by Sal she's waving her finger by his face, he's shaking his head I can hear him , then she raises her voice, belittling him, about how he s a bad boyfriend, she deserves better, she says things about him physically, oooh I want to deck her, how dare she say that shit to him. She's such a bitch oh Sal , dump her she's not for you! I see she starts to move rolling her suitcase she's coming my way, oh geez I basically sprint back into the store and , "hide," by the small card section , I watch her pounce out the double doors into the street outside, good riddance bitch, I don't see Sal , I see the clerk is starting to close up, I walk out and go back to the elevator. I push the button and wait. ..holding my floss, I feel someone behind me, I turn to see Sal, his face is so sweet, I hate what said to him "hey, floss huh?", , He looks down at my hand,", I smile ",can you believe I didn't have any? So unlike me " he shoves his hands in his pockets and grins"very unlike you ", I see he's hurting I hate this "you busy? Want to get a drink at the bar?", His face eases into a smile "yeah I'd love to " I text the kids I'm going to be with their Dad for a bit downstairs at the hotel, Amanda is with Q in his room across from the kids, I let her know too then head to the bar with Sal.


	6. Want , need, have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

I sip my second glass of Chardonnay and watch as he orders another jack and coke for himself, "I'm glad you asked me to get a drink, or two and I'm sorry I went on about her, I know you don't like her, but it felt good to get that off my chest" I nod "no I didn't like her, dont like her , I don't like any person that puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself, you're beautiful Sal inside and out, if a person you're with can't see that, then that person is not worth you're time". I look at her, she's my protector, as I'm hers, her text goes of them mine, Q texted me goodnight, all three kids are asleep he just left them, have a good night , I text him back, Mary said Amanda said basically the same thing, her and Q are staying in her room , next to the kids, I place my phone down, my knee touches her knee, she's so sexy, I watch her sip her wine, I turn in my chair a little at the bar   
And place my hand over here, she instantly rubs my hand with her thumb , instinct for her ...she looks at me "Sal....I'm ....did I screw us up? I know   
The last year or so, I wasn't easy to get along with., I was hating how much you were gone, I was happy you achieved your goals and then some   
But I think I was selfish for giving you a hard time, I've wanted to tell you that, for a while now" my God she's way off "no, no you're not...you look it got hard, I know that, alot and I mean alot fell on you, the kids, I was so busy, but.....I should have made time for you....for us... I'll always regret   
That " she nods, I see her eyes get glassy oh no please, I hate when she cries, I move closer to her my face inches from hers "hey..don't ...come on  
You cried enough over me,", tears roll down her cheeks I grab a bar napkin and wipe her cheeks, "I miss you Sal, (she sighs) so much, it was so hard seeing you with her, seeing you with anyone....it hurts " she lowers her head shaking it, maybe she didn't want me to know? I lift her chin with my fingers "when I saw you out with Jay last year, I felt my heart hurt, I hated it, hated it...I know you didn't see him long, I'm telling you it consumed me, so..I know how you felt ", she looks at me, she bites her bottom lip a little, her lips move to mine, I kiss her she puts her hand on my chest  
I put my hand on her leg, the other behijd her neck, I feel her tounge on my lip I open my mouth and let her feel mine, I hear her moan I pull back and look at her"come with me , upstairs my room", she nods I put money down and we go to the elevator it can't come fast enough, oh my God I need to be inside of her, she stands Infront of me moves her lips to my neck gently sucks on it oh fuck I love that, she knows that, I grab her ass and push her into me kissing her , the elevator opens I have my key out, open the door pull her inside locking the door I wrap my arms around her kissing her backing her up till she falls backwards onto my bed, I start unbutton my shirt then stop, I'm ..eh she shakes her head "you're sexy, your fucking perfect , I love your body (she sits up and unbuttons where I left off she s looking up at me, then moves her lips to my chest kissing all over it   
Her hands slide down to my stomach back up she murmurs sexy man, she slowly unbuckles my belt...unloops it, then pulls my zipper down, her mouth kisses my belly button fuck , she looks up at me, I get them off all I have on are boxers, I pull her up and reach around and unzip her dress   
She moves her arms out of it , falls to the floor red lace bra matching panties, I kneel down and she squirms, I help her step out of her dress, I unzip her black boots I sit her down on the bed, pull each boot off, then the boot socks, I lean in, kiss her pussy over her panties, I feel wetness, I join her on the bed and kiss her hard, I unhook her bra, toss it , lick then suckle each nipple, she gasps I love it, I look down at her panties , I have to   
Get in her, but I want to taste her pussy, I did that alot, oral sex was many times a week, and her to me, she got on her knees for me ...my god incredible blow jobs, sometimes I knew she was going to other times , she'd surprise me, once I was getting clothes from my closet, I turned and she was kneeling by me, she backed me into the wall, and sucked on me, I remember that well, cause I could barely stand, fucking amazing   
I pull her panties off , look at her "before I'm in your sweet pussy I'm going to lick it " she groans I move my mouth down rub her wet clit and go down on her, she tastes sweet, good fuck , she's moaning bucking her hips, I hear her say my name, I love that, I feel her body shake oh she's giimg to cum, she explodes on my tounge she yells my name, I kiss her pussy move up kiss her mouth then slip in her, she's tight, she gasps I move closer " sal...so big, so full in me, mmmmm baby, omg Sal , I missed you, stay in me, fuck Sal sooooo good " "baby you're tight, fuck it's so good " I thrust quicker, her body moves with every thrust, I'm going to cum, I will cum in her more than once, I haven't been inside her I am going to be in her  
Tonight, I'm going to taste that sweet pussy , I'm going to consume her body. She wants me just as much. I cum hard, I groan into her ear "sal....cum , oh S-ALLLLLLL!!!! ", I lay my forehead on hers panting hard, she wraps her arms around me, moves her lips to mine and we make out, I'm getting hard again , she's rubbing my dick up and down, so good "lay down on your back ", i do...oh fuck she's going to suck on me, she kisses my neck ," Sal...I'm going to move my lips down, I'm to suck on your dick...ok?" Oh my...fuck!! I nod yes I look down to see her mouth cover my dick I almost yell, her mouth is perfect, she's sucking hard now ,I feel my body tense I cum , she swalloed my cum, she finishes up then moves up my body  
Im panting I pull her close to me, she lays her head on my chest, I'm a very happy man.


	7. You....Me

It's almost four am, I'm watching her sleeping, I touch her face then rest my hand on her hip, I missed her, and more than the sex, but man the sex  
She fulfilled every and any need I have or had, her touch, her body, felt so good, familiar yeah, but what I wanted, I don't even feel badv things with Marla ended, hours later I'm laying next to Mary, it was headed to ending, we were arguing alot , we hadn't had sex in over a month, I don't know what or why I was still with her...In a way being with her took my mind from where it had wandered as of late to Mary, I didn't know she missed me as much as she admitted , I thought the missing was just one sided , I mean I knew she still loved me, you don't spend over a decade with someone , have kids with them and not have any feelings, her actions, words , I lean over and kiss her cheek, I want to be with her, together as in me as in you , us...It's what she wants, I'm pretty sure, the things we talked about, things she said and not just during the sex, she's my one, even during our rough times, she is my one. I pull my arm around her tighter I love feeling her next to me, she opens her eyes, closes them, then opens them again she smiles at me, I kiss her lips, she puts her hand on my face and kisses me deeply, I wrap my other arm around her, and roll her onto me, not breaking the kiss, I run my hand down her side, over to her ass give it a squeeze, I love her ass she gasps then pulls away " you know kissing you with your beard fuller, tickles mmm but it suits you " I run my fingers thru her hair "I bet it tickles you down there too " I move my eyes down her body she giggles and nods yes, even blushes, I love it. " You know Mr Vulcano, you are very sexy, you know that, ? Your eyes , I haven't stared into them like I have these past few hours , in too long...Those eyes always made me melt, but I think you know that " I absolutely knew, that, know that and I used these pretty green eyes of mine to my advantage, but you really didn't need that much coaxing" she laughs and nods yes , I put my hand on her cheek and kiss her, she kisses me, I feel her grind into me, I move my hips, she kisses me deeply, she grinds into me more, I move my hands to her hips she groans into my lips, she sits up looks down " everything is awake on you ,mmm" I watch her move back she leans down trails kisses all over my chest, I love that , I'm so excited , she moves her body , up then slowly down onto me, I help guide her down holding her hips tight , she moans, I feel her body shiver she places her hands on my chest, she's adjusting to being filled up , by me she then starts grinding on me, fucking amazing , I tell her lean down I want to kiss her , her sweet soft lips she leans down I kiss her then buck my hips up thrust into her she moans "Sal !" I grin , she grins back then sits up on me again , I hold onto her hips , her riding me, so sexy, she's going to push me over the edge I move my hand to her pussy , my middle finger gently stroking her clit she moans more , slowly I rub her, I know it makes her crazy ", s..SS..Sal..Oh my god I....SA...Sal.." I grin she can't even make a complete sentence she moves quicker , the pace makes me cum, I squeeze her hips tight moan loudly my God , I feel her legs shake , I feel her cum , she lays on my chest, I'm still inside of her I rub her back she's breathing hard, I feel her hand rub my chest, she looks up at me, " just so you know, I've thoroughly enjoyed everything we've done in this bed , oh and the chair by the TV" I laugh out loud and kiss her nose "you are , sexy....So sexy, I can't get enough of you, just so you know , when I come home, I want to spend time with you, like take you out on dates, spend one on one time with you, I mean do you ....Want that ?" She smiles so sweetly at me, puts her hand on my face gently she strokes my face and beard, "I'd really like that Sal, and for now we don't tell the kids..". I nod "I agree I mean they will be happy, but I just want to have you with me, just us, then... tell them others later, OK?" " Just you, and me Sal, to try again, we need just us time " I hold her close she lays her head on my chest, I close my eyes, I haven't felt this content in a relationship in a long time, I want this to work, more than anything.


	8. After...

I kissed him bye, four times, I quietly go into my room, I see Q sleeping in bed with Amanda it's almost six I get clean clothes close the door to the bathroom and start a shower, replaying last night and this morning in my head, it was wonderful, the sex was amazing and always has been with him, but just being close to him, touching him, kissing him, the time alone with him was the best. We had good, meaningful conversations, I knew I missed him, but how much I did, hit me in my heart. I'm excited to go out with him when he's back home, just us, it could be like it was when we first met, but better because we have many memories to share.

 

We are all at brunch, we don't have a show till next night so we had time here, Lila is next to me, SJ and Mary are across from us, Q, Amanda, Colby  
Are with us, the other fellas bad stuff to get done before we roll out on the bus later today...I keep looking at her and smiling, thinking of our time together, I can't help it, she makes eye contact with me, I feel my heart beat faster, it's pretty incredible . " Dad take a selfie with me " I put my head next to hers, smiling she takes the picture, we always take a picture together before I go on tour, since she got her phone about two years ago, she kept them all "SJ mom sit by me and Dad I want all four of us , please " SJ sides in next to Lila , Mary sits next to to me I put my arm around her I feel her shiver, damn...Lila gets her shot, Amanda tells us hold the pose she wants to take a picture too, she smells so good, Lila sent me, Mary and SJ the family photo, it's really sweet, I make it my screen lock photo ."SJ , mom , dad you stayed up late, ? Me and Colby were up till like midnight  
Uncle Brian checked on us said you were still downstairs". I nod "yeah , we stayed up talking downstairs, at the bar..." I see Q look at me, then back to his conversation with Colby, I'm listening to the kids talking to me and Mary , but my mind keeps wandering to a good place .

 

We are home, kids are almost asleep they are on the couches, I go-to make some tea, I hear my text ping, it's Sal's sound I open it and smile  
" Thinking about you, never stopped since last night, looking forward to being home in nine days, to see you, course the kids, but that's a given...Text me later after they are in bed XO Sal" my heart flutters, I read it three more times before I respond, this man, this man....Melts my heart 

 

I'm watching some videos on my iPad, when Q sits by me , he's staring at me, I take my headphones off "what's up?" He smiles looks around the bus Joe is asleep, Murr is on his phone, he kinda whispers"how was your evening last night? " I nod "it was good...Why do you ask?"  
"Cause I know you, I know there's more to tell, I know you and Marla broke up, I know Mary didn't come back to her room til! After 6 this morning, I stayed there with Amanda, I know you've been smiling like a chimp eating a banana since I saw you this morning...." I look at him, "well, you know alot..So nothing for me to tell you " he chuckles nudges me "it's about time " and with that he goes to his bunk ..I'm not denying or admitting anything...For now it's just between Mary and I. I'm getting ready to meet Sal nine days seemed like a lot longer, I go downstairs the kids and Colby are playing the PS 4 , SJ does a double take "mom you look really nice, " I look down at my clothes and back up Lila is smiling, "why thank you honey, you three have fun, foods on the counter and do we open the door?" All three sing sing no to me, I tell them text me if they need anything, I kiss SJ and Lila on the cheek and Colby on his head "I should be home around 11, love you guys " I go to get my purse and hear them laughing having fun, I feel like a giddy teen going on a first date with her crush...Sal sends me a text he's at the restaurant and where to meet him in it , I smile and head over. I hold her hand sitting across from her in the booth she is beautiful, I missed her while I was gone, I saw her briefly yesterday when I came home and picked the kids up,this is much better "you sure it's not too dark? I picked this place it's dimly lit and private compared to other places" I give him my really look "Sal it's good here truth be told I'd sit in a McDonald's parking lot with you, to just be with you " he gives me a huge smile and squeezes my hand " we have done that back in the day, you , me my old Honda Accord" I laugh I just love him" oh the memories, they are always in my mind " I love she said that, we talk about highschool days, about when she told me I was going to be a dad, lots of good memories, I love being with her, we finish dinner and walk to the parking lot, she's parked near me I hold her close and kiss her, I open her door and then get in my car, she follows me to my house, I'm going to love having her in my bed.


	9. It's still me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sexual content ahead*

We are talking on my couch facing each other her legs are on my lap, she drinks her wine almost spits it out from laughing, I love making her laugh,  
I get a text from Lila telling me goodnight and she loves me, she's going to bed, I tell her sweet dreams , I love her too daddy's girl , right after SJ x text telling me goodnight him and Colby are tired, I tell him I love him, sleep well, I hear the texts going off on her phone , I watch her text them back  
"You know we have pretty great , no we have pretty awesome little humans we are raising" she winks at me sets her phone down "we have great kids , you and I rock the parent thing , we always worked together, raising them no matter what, it shows I love being a mom, I like the fact that even apart we parented them together, shows you and I , maturity level quite high " I smile lean in kiss her sweet lips, she cups my cheek in her hand then runs her hand thru my hair "that always calmed me, anytime you ran your fingers thru my hair, I would calm down , I mean I guess I can be a little high strung at times, I guess " she laughs at my sarcasm, she knows I can get wound up tight but she never got mad at me, she did the opposite She quietly made me calmer, she still does. I pull her up from the couch , kiss her face and lead us to my bedroom , I lit some candles when we first got here, smells like lavender and lemon she burned that fragrance alot when we lived together"mmm my favorite candle, very nice in here with the candles burning , you know you just are so sweet , and handsome, I am sure you do ", I kiss her, then smile I look into her eyes, "Sal I know this is something we are trying again, but I want to tell you , the years we were not together hard as they were for me, I was still me, but not the me I was when I was with you, ...Does that make any sense?" I think about what she said, "I was different without you, I mean you never haven't been in my life, but not being a couple changed me, I knew that, but people grow, change, I just accepted it I even ignored it, it was stupid really ...But I know I missed you terribly after it happened, then acceptance, but this past year, I missed you as much as when we first broke up, I wanted to tell you but...I was afraid you didn't feel that way, and I didn't want to make things akward for us." "Thank you, for telling me that, you mean so much to me Sal , so much , " she licks her lips, I pull her down with me onto my bed, clothes come off, kisses all over my body, I love her lips all over me, her hands run up and down my body, her touch is soft, sweet, she kisses my neck then gently sucks on it my God I can't be without her , ever again, I move over her and grin "what's the grin for Sally boy?". I grin even wider "oh just thinking of our first time " that sends her into giggling mode, after we both stop laughing I kiss her nose", we were akward to say the least, but I love my first experience was with you sweet man, and if I can say we certainly improved sex wise". I nod "hell yeah we did ", she moves her hands to my face and pulls me down into a deep kiss I feel her in every being of my body, my soul...i gently move inside of her she's so wet it was easy to do, she grips my shoulders then relaxs I move deep into her "Sal...Oh honey My ....Feels so good " I kiss her neck , her earlobe "it feels fucking amazing, I fit in you perfect..." She nods and bites her bottom lip , it's a slow love making and it's perfect, it's sweet and I love this woman, I love her so much.


	10. Twins day

I'm watching my babies , who will be 13 tomorrow, celebrating with thier friends and family, I watch them interacting talking with friends, cousins  
And I can't fathom how fast twelve years have gone by, our Christmas Eve babies , still my babies. Q comes to stand by me"laser tag starts in ten minutes, I know thier kids, but I'm playing to win " I chuckle "heck yeah, my kids know that's what I do, and so does Colby , hey by the way he's all squared away for coming with us on tour right ? She gave in", he nods slowly "yeah she did, after I paid her car insurance" I shake my head in disguise, she always manages to get money from him, I don't like that at all, he's nicer to her, then she said to him, he does it more for Colby  
Which makes me even more mad, but I don't tell him that, he knows how I feel and why and I'd rather not make him more upset ...."you know I've said it at least one hundred times, so here's one hundred and one...You are a very fortunate man to have a woman , your ex give you no grief about your kids, she is pretty great Sal, I'm going to say that to you many more times" I like what he said and it's true "she is pretty great..." I watch her head towards the hallway by the restroom s , I tell Q I'll be back, I walk and wait by the water fountain , she opens the door and walks out "hi honey,", I pull her into me, there is a little alcove by the water fountain I move us there and kiss her lips, she eagerly kisses mine "I've been waiting to kiss you since we got here sweet woman " she smiles and kisses me ",what a coincidence, I've had the urge to kiss your beautiful mouth too" with that I kiss her again then we walk out back to the party her lotion smell lingering on me. Lila pulls me over from the bowling we are playing "SJ guess what?!", She looks really happy, I smile at her "I'm the best big brother ever" she nods yes ",,yeah you are but no....SJ I just saw mom and dad kiss " I look at her like she's lost it ,"Lila , they always do , a kiss on the cheek" I turn to go but she grabs my arm "SJ no, like a kiss...Kiss..By the water fountain, I was going to put my hair up in a ponytail, and I saw dad he and mom were,...Like really kissing , you know how awesome that is??? SJ they are together again!!!!" I look around I see my mom talking to my Grammy, my dad is talking to grandpa, I wonder I mean I'd love that, but they haven't told us, idk... Kissing huh? "Lila...They may not want us to know, let's not say anything ok? Maybe they are waiting to tell us...I mean like, don't tell them you saw ". She's thinking ..."SJ you're right I'm going to not say anything I'm excited I want them back together so much !" I nod, she starts to cry , I put my arm around her and walk us even further away from everyone"Lila come on don't cry!" She wipes her face ," it's just....I'm happy, and I want this so bad " I know she does...I do too..I hug her to my side she nods we go back and bowl, I see my dad watching us I wave he smiles, wow ...Best birthday present ever if they are together again . Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, my Lila and Sal will be 13, teenangers , where did that time run off to? It's a whirlwind to me , I have so much to be thankful for , my babies are healthy, happy, they bring me so much happiness, my love for them is , like no other , Sal and I created these little humans, I sometimes can't believe they are ours , they are growing , having thier own personality's, likes, dislikes, Sal is funny like his dad, Lila is sensitive like both sal and I, poor kid, Sal is more quiet then Lila but he speaks his mind, I'm enthralled with them, at 13 I can't wait to see the changes in them as the years go on . Sal is heading over, he's staying the night, he always has so he's her Christmas Eve, and we spend their birthday with them. I'm staring at her , in my hallway at my front door , I ..Can't believe this she's looking at me waiting for me to say something? "Marla you're pregnant? I mean... Pregnant, it's mine ?". She gives me a dirty look "what's that supposed to mean Sal? Yeah it's your baby !!" "Look I haven't seen you in a month , I mean ..." She huffs at me" you fucking moron, I've been pregnant for like five weeks it's yours , so you better step up , I'm keeping it too And your supporting us both ",. My head is spinning , wtf she ...A baby , she doesn't really like kids she has said she never wanted any of her own. "I will call you, I'm heading out I....Will be gone a few days (,yeah at Mary's) when I get back we can meet and talk ", she's not happy but she nods OK ",,, I'll be traveling to my family's in Washington DC I will be back January 3rd, we WILL be taking, " with that she leaves , I hear her car leave...Oh fml No. I do not want a baby , with her, fuck , and Mary, and me....This could ruin it all....A baby and now? She was on birth control , I paid for it I don't know if I believe her, oh wtf...I need a minute to calm down, to think, before I have a panic attack. I need proof, before anything I want proof she's pregnant and it's mine....Then ...I will figure this all out.


	11. 12/24  Happy Birthday

Something is up, he has denied it twice, I'm not going to push the issue, it's the kids birthday , we had lunch we are heading out to see the Lights on stanten island, we have taken them every year since they were one years old, it's a huge display of lights and music it's really something to see, we meet his family there, and it's always a good time. I look over at Sal as he's driving he's a million miles away, I wish he'd talk to me, the kids are in the backseat talking and laughing, I reach over and touch his hand he looks at me, smiles and holds my hand resting it on the counsel between us.   
"Such a pretty night for the lights not too cold, remember the years it was freezing?" He nods the kids comment on last year when it was almost 50 degrees on Christmas Eve, I give up saying anything and just listen to the kids, comment here and there , we get there and park, his family is there saved seats for us, the kids hug and get thier birthday greetings, I sit by his mom , the kids in-between us, his dad on the other side, I see him glance over at me, his eyes, he looks so sad, I just want to hug him, something is definitely up...I'm worried now. 

 

I am trying my hardest to act like nothing is wrong I know I'm failing and I've got to knock it off, I'm letting that wretch interfere with my kids birthday   
I can't do this, and it's pretty evident Mary knows something is up, enough of this , I turn to SJ and put my arm around him pull him into me kisx his head..."dad that s like the fifth time you've done that today ". "he's our dad SJ he's supposed to kiss and hug us, especially on our birthday"  
I wink at her and kiss and hug SJ again he laughs and shakes his head "you ..And your sister will never be too old for kisses and hugs from me..And your mom, ever " I see Mary smile at me and hug Lila to her , the lights and music starts, it really is a good show , after our goodbyes we head back I'm staying the night, I always have, they've always spent Christmas morning with us both , and I've always loved that, the kids go change into thier PJs , I go to get mine, change come back down, Mary s already in hers making hot chocolate, I kiss her cheek, she touches my face smiling at me "I'm worried about you " I shake my head "I'm OK, sorry about before, I am ...Just fine ", she looks at me, but says nothing , but smiles.   
We all sit on the couch to watch what we do every Christmas Eve, "it's a wonderful life" Lila next to me, SJ next to her than Mary, I love this movie but I keep looking at them, I love these three more than anything, this right here is perfect, my life is going to change,which means theirs is too,   
I'm a grown man, I will do what needs to be done, I don't know , maybe she stopped taking the birth control, dammed if I know, but what I do know is, I may have ruined my relationship with her, I don't want that, I want her, but I don't know how this will affect us, I mean I could imagine but..  
I just want to stay here, on this couch, with my three loves of my life, and never want to leave.

 

I move the blanket back he crawls in , I kiss him ",merry Christmas Sal" he kisses me and whispers merry Christmas to me, it's almost one am the kids fell asleep around 11 and then went to bed, we wanted to be sure they were asleep, he pulls me into him , facing him he runs his fingers thru my hair, kisses me sweetly , I rub his back and inhale his cologne , I run my hands under his shirt he sighs I kiss his face, he moves his hand to my face "I love you" my heart , oh I'm overwhelmed, I can't he!p it I cry, he pulls me into him I hug him tight, I love him, I always have, I kiss his chest then look at him "I love you, my Sal, I've got you back, I'm never letting you go again, you own my heart Sal, since highschool, it's been yours, and I never give it back , it's yours " her words make my heart full, I hope she knows it's how I've always felt, I hope she remembers how much I love her, always have, with the challenges she will face soon, please God don't let her change her mind , I hold her close just exactly how it should be .


	12. Merry, Mary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

It's after dinner, I'm just finishing cleaning up, most of the family is gone, Lila and SJ are sleeping at Grammys Sal's mom's they do this every Christmas night since they were five , I know Sal loves the close they are, it really touches his heart. I go to say bye to my mom , my brother's and thier families left already. Sal is talking to the kids and his mom , I hand my mom a plate of food I packed up for her "you know the ham was not as good as last year, but it was ok, you didn't use the ginger ale for glaze did you? (I shake my head no) well you should of, and did you redo the store window like I suggested? It's really plain for the holidays ", I take a deep breath, Sal is looking at us "mom it's meant to be , well not plain but not boustrous, I like the simple elegance and it show cases the beautiful new gowns we got in from Sophia s design, " she shrugs and I help her with her coat "those dresses are pretty, your ship has sailed for a wedding dress I suppose, but I still have Lila to see in one", wow...that hurt..Alot I hold back the tears stinging my eyes, they all heard her, Sal gets up and stands by me "I don't understand why you say such mean and hurtful things to your daughter, I could never imagine , Mary taking to Lila like you do to her, she's a beautiful person, she's an outstanding mom, a successful business owner, she has a huge heart, she's amazing , I'm not sure why you don't see it, but it's a shame you don't. " She looks at him, then me, THE Kids and his mom are staring at us on lord please mom just don't respond, right like she won't . "Sal, it's lovely you defend her, it's too bad you never married her , I don't understand this relationship you two have, at all it's ridiculous in my opinion, but it's not my life" omg that's it!!"mom no it's not you're life it's mine, so butt out! I'm sick of your jabs, your distain, what I do is my business, that includes Sal, just love your grandkids and thats all I need from you!" I'm so mad I'm shaking, I'm so done with these conversations with her, SJ looks completely surprised, Lila too I'm sorry I'm just done, she turns and tells the kids bye, and Sal's mom and leaves, I look at Sal "it's about damn time you stuck up for yourself , I'm proud of you " I kiss his cheek the kids get up and hug me, SJ whispers in my ear he loves me, my sweet boy , we kiss and hug them all bye, walk them out and come in, Sal instantly hugs me to his body and kisses me , I kiss him back run my hands under his shirt he moans then pulls away takes my hand and leads me to my room , I love him , his .... Everything..we lay on my bed, my god I love he's in MY bed, removing clothes,touching his skin , kissing him ,my heart is so in love with this man, it could burst I swear ..."I love you Sal, sweet Sal ", he smooths my hair back stares into my eyes, I love his eyes "love you , always " I close my eyes open them and kiss his lips, being void of all clothing he gently runs his hand up and down my side, he moves his lips to my neck he moves his mouth down my neck , chest , stomach his fingers glide across my stomach he moves further down on my, I feel his breathe on me, he gently open my legs, I hear him sigh, oh Sal, his tounge attaches to my clit, and it feels so good, he uses his tounge perfectly, I reach down feel his hair, he licks faster then moves his middle finger into me omg I buck my hips up, he pushes my thigh down holds me in place I can't not move it's incredible, I'm saying his name, moaning I'm close now my legs start to shake I feel and hear him moan he knows, I cum and yell his name my god what he does to me , I feel good, I want him to feel just as good, he moves back up I kiss him "do you know you are quite perfect at that? The very thought of you're tounge on me....Oh Sal " he grins I love it "I love you, I love your body , I love you're sweet pussy and I love what I do to you " I feel flushed his words , hmmm "my Sal "I sit up on my elbows "baby I need to get up , " he moves off of me I go to get a Kleenex from my bathroom" sal can you come here, I need help with something" he walks in the bathroom "help with what honey ?" I kneel Infront of him he groans I move my mouth over and down his dick, I suck gently while holding it he's so excited I feel his hands in my hair he's yanking it moaning, I move faster sucking the tip then all! I can fit into my mouth, "honey.....Fuck...I'm .". He yells he's cumming I swallow all he gave me, I kiss his stomach I stand up and kiss him, he's panting I love he came, I love the fact I made him he reaches down and cups my asscheeks , I kiss him harder and  
Grasp his dick I move my hand up and down it "you're sexy, so sexy baby, I love your body, I loved sucking on your big dick " I feel him get hard  
I love it I keep rubbing it up and down he moves me to my sink turns me around "hold onto to the counter " I do it "bend a little"I do it I can barely breathe I feel him rub my clit , oh god "I'm going to fuck you baby, hard , OK?". I nod I can't speak he moves into me , slides in I groan and he pumps in and out of me, I'm gripping the counter so hard, he's fucking amazing"fuck , baby sooo good " he grabs my hips and just rams into me ,we are both moaning, it's so good, he's rubbing my clit, omg I cum , he shakes and cums , alot I feel it in me, omg he fucked me so hard I can still feel it I turn around he's grinning I love him, he kisses me and holds me close. What a night .


	13. Here we go

I'm watching the street for her car to pull up, it's just past twelve steps said she'd be here by eleven, she better show up we need to talk  
Finally she pulls in my driveway, I see her get out I open the door she says hi and comes in I take her jacket she goes to sit down I see she's drinking coffee , not a good idea being pregnant but I say nothing about it "so how far along are you ?" She looks at me like she's thinking"almost eight weeks I had a Dr appointment last Wednesday, Dr said everything looks great my next appointment is next month if you wanna come, I wanna know the sex of the baby to plan better , and have you told your family? The guys ? ", I shake my head no she looks mad I don't care " you know you need to tell them " "don't worry about when I tell my family and friends, now what can I do for you, help you " she looks perplexed "um I mean it's your baby So you , I mean take care of me , my apartment is kinda small for a baby too ", wtf no way she's living here "I think it's fine for the two of you, I mean I will help you, and be in the baby's life of course " she s not happy "what is wrong ?" "Sal I'm carrying your baby. I mean you should be with me", wth is she crazy "um we are not together anymore, we broke up, there is no you and me ," she looks at me "are you seeing someone else? Already ? We just broke up " she's bat shit crazy "we broke up over a month ago, my personal life doesn't concern you anymore , you and I are having a baby And I'll be what I'm supposed to be, there's no need or want for us to be a couple". She stands up "Sal this is bullshit, I need your support" I throw my hands up"you have that, will have that for the baby, not you Marla and we can't go into this with you thinking otherwise, I mean we can be friends, and the baby, will have two parents " she sits back down "I need money, I need to get stuff for the baby " I look at her thinking I'm not just handing her money "you're at eight weeks you said what do you need I will buy it ", she looks at the floor then me "I will make a list then we can go shopping", oh gee sure thing I think in my head but I nod instead she gets up to go then turns to me ",if it's a boy I want to name him after you Sal jr "I look at her like she's a moron, well in this instance she is ",uh my son SJ is named after me, Sal jr " she looks surprised"oh that's what SJ stands for?" I nod she laughs then says we can think of other names, I watch her go, this is not going to be easy, not one bit " I just closed the store, Amanda just left with Brian, busy day but good , I finish up get the deposit for the day, I text Sal I'm leaving now the kids are at his place I'm headed there , I missed the kids , and him I got here at seven am, it's almost 6:30 I love my shop, but long days like these I really miss my SJ and Lila , they had daddy day, so I know it was a fun,day with lots of laughter, I turn the lights off and set the alarm I lock up and head to my car, I hear someone saying hello I turn to see a woman walking towards me with her hood up I keep walking to my car she's right by me now, "hi hey sorry would you happen to have jumper cables? My car won't start " I look over and see a Honda Accord parked in the street with the hold up "no I'm sorry I don't " She grins at me, I'm thinking that's odd when I feel an arm grab me from behind I scream , a man grabbed my deposit bag then Yanks my purse off my arm so hard I yell in pain, The man has such a tight grip on me I can't get lose "shut the fuck up, you yell again I'll stab you " oh my god please let me go I'm screaming in my head I'm trying not to show fear the woman looks at me as he rummages thru my purse taking my wallet and grabbing cash and credit cards I have in there, I am trying to make her face out the hood is hiding it pretty well,,I can't see him since he has me from behind please someone, anyone drive by, the back parking lot is tiny and goes unnoticed , I see he threw stuff on the ground he doesn't want but I can't see what my shoulder is screaming in pain, I'm trying so hard not to cry, I keep seeing the kids faces , please God let me walk away from this, I need to see my kids, they need me, I see Sal's face too, I think he may be a single parent soon, it seems like an eternity then she says '"hurry up it's been five minutes now!!" I think that's all it's been haven't we been here longer, I feel his breathe on my ear oh god "get in your car, do not start it, for twenty minutes, do not look at me, do not turn around, stay in your car do you hear me?" I nod yes frantically , he walks me to my car, "where are the keys ?" I stutter in my coat pocket he reaches in it, I am shaking now , gets them out and clicks it , it beeps and unlocks, "he reaches from behind me and opens the door, he slides his hand down my side oh please stop I'm screaming in my head, I hear her say we have to go quit feeling on her and let's go, I hear him laugh , then she says just do it fuck sake let's go! Just do what??? Then I hear something whizzing in the air it hits my head and I see black . I knew something was wrong I kept calling her cell after texting her with no reply, the kids are quiet they are scared to death , I'm driving to the ER I called my mom , I called Brian, I'm in a daze, robbed? Jesus she had to be terrified, the policeman that found her lying by her car, the thought of that makes me want to cry, called 911 she woke up when 911 got there, the policeman found out what happened to her, 911 took her , she got hit with a heavy object on her head, and something is wrong with her shoulder , my poor baby , I park and walk in Lila and SJ are holding my hands on either side of me, I ask the man behind the ER desk where she is, I hear Brian and Amanda call out to me they come over as the man behind the counter, Frank as his tag says the Dr will be right up to take us back, we move to the side to wait, Lila looks so scared so does SJ I pull them into me on either side, I talk softly to them, I feel like I'm going to lose it, I can't these two need me to stay calm, Amanda is crying Q is holding her close to him , a Dr comes out looks at me comes over he asks if I'm Sal I say yes, he looks at the kids , asks me if he can speak to me alone a moment I tell the kids I'll be right back step over with him ,"I'm Dr Allen I treated Mary as soon as the ambulance brought her in, she has a concussion , she took a hard hit to the back of her head, when she was...Robbed seems her shoulder got injured when they , whoever yanked the purse from her shoulder, it's not dislocated I thought it was x-ray shows it's not, ..." He looks at the kids",those are you're kids? She said she had twins ,"I nod yes "You should see her first, Sal she's pretty traumatized, seeing you first will help her, I feel, then your kids can go back, I'm a father and a husband I know this isn't easy for any of you, I think you seeing her first, she needs that "I nod and hold back the tears I go tell the kids they can come back soon I have to fill out paperwork and it won't take long, Q nods like he knows and takes their hands to go sit with Amanda, I follow the Dr back he brings me to curtain 10, I nod and open the curtain, oh I just want to cry, her arm is in a sling she has a bandage on her forehead , she looks up at me and bursts into tears I go right to her sit on the bed and hug her close to me, the nurse that was in there slips out, I hold her , rub her back She's sobbing , trying to talk, I hear so scared, the kids, my name, she's crying so hard I can't tell , I tell her she's OK now, I'm here I've got her Tears spill down my face, my heart aches for her, my god this could have ended very different, I kiss her head gently and rock her a little Her whole body is shaking from her sobs, my poor baby, I thank God she's here, the what ifs make me sick.i hold her till she calms down she wipes her face I sold mine, she gives me a little smile" I love you Sal, " I kiss her gently tell her I love her , she says she wants to see the kids, I know she needs to and they need her, I know we will talk, right now she needs her Lila and SJ I tell her I'm going to get them, my god this is heartbreaking.


	14. Aftermath

The three of them are on the couch , Lila and SJ are on either side of her, she's hugging them to her as best she can with her right arm in a sling  
They are still scared , SJ has not left her side, I bring her a water and a pain pill , she waves it away "after they go to bed, I don't want to fall asleep yet ". SJ shakes his head "mom take it, come on I'll walk with you to you're room , get your PJs for you , I want you to take it I know you're head hurts come on mom " she nods she is sees Lila SJ and I help her up, SJ puts his arm around her waist walks her to her room , Lila stands up "dad you're staying right ?" I nod yes ",course I am honey , I'm not leaving you three " she looks so sad I hug her she starts crying, I feel so bad, this is so awful "honey she's home, she's safe, I know you're upset baby girl, it's scary, it really is, but she's going to be OK" she wipes her face and hugs me tight "watch her dad, she loves you, I know you love her, I....Saw you kissing at our birthday party, you are together right dad?", She's looking up at me  
Her eyes, it's like looking into a mirror "I love your mom sweetie, very much , I'm not going anywhere I promise", she smiles a little she's so sweet,  
I walk upstairs with her we go check on Mary, "dad I was just coming to get you, she needs help getting her shirt off " I go into the bathroom she's sitting on the side of the tub, I kneel down and as gently as I can help her take the sling off, and get her shirt and bra off, I grab her t shirt off the counter and help her put it on "how can I be so stupid Sal? I am always so aware of my surroundings, he was able to get me from behind, I should have known " I'm not letting her do this "no , you couldn't have known, do not do this to yourself, it's in no way you're fault " she looks so sad my heart hurts" baby come on bed is what you need, I will stay with you , take you're pain pill I will help u into bed " she shakes her head gets up and walks out of the bathroom"I'm going to go to sleep , you two get sleep OK? I'm alright I love you both so much " she kisses them both they linger,she hugs them both, SJ holds her hand then they both go I help her get into bed, I hand her the pill and water she takes it,. I go get undressed and get into bed"you ok ?", She puts her hand on my cheek "I know , how worried you were, and you kept the kids calm as much as you could ", I think she's worried about me after what she just went thru , that's my girl "I'm OK honey , I'm just ...Yeah I was scared, I'm sorry you went thru this , I wish it was me, not you, I....Can't help...My mind wanders, I mean...." She looks at me , she knows, she takes my hand and holds it tight "you know it all happened within minutes, but...It seemed so much longer, in my mind I saw the kids, first when they were little then when they went to kindergarten weird huh? Then now , just thier faces, running thru, then you, I saw you, and said in my head, Sal's going to be a single parent now (I hold in my tears, that statement kills me) I'm not leaving here alive, the things that go thru your mind when you think....When I woke up George the policeman that found me he told me I was going to be OK the paramedics are coming, he asked me if I was alone I nodded yes, I still was trying to figure out What happened, then I realized even though my head hurt like hell I was alive and I would see the kids, and you again and then it sunk in what happened and I just lost it, I am so scared Sal, I'm just so scared " she covers her face with her hands and cries, I move to her and hug her she hugs me tight, I know she's scared, I want her to feel safe, I don't know how to make her feel safe, but I'll try the best I can, holding her close and telling her I love her, I hope helps .I tell her I'm here I'm not going anywhere, she's clinging to me my poor baby. I see SJ sitting in the hallway by mom's door , I got up to get some water, I walk over he looks up at me his eyes are red, he's been crying I sit next to him "SJ what are you doing ?" He clears his throat"I was worried about mom, I was going to check on her but when I got to her door I heard her crying, I heard dad talking to her, quietly, I didn't want to knock, since she was crying I just sat down, Lila I feel so bad for mom, I mean his scary for her, then what if pops in my head and I feel sick I mean Lila we are lucky nothing else happened " I nod and cry I thought that many times too my mom not here it terrified me I lean my head on his shoulder he lays his head in mine and we sit there outside our mom's door I'm thankful she's here, and terrified it happened .


	15. Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

I'm on my way to film, my Mom is downstairs with the kids, she's been coming over since...What happened to Mary, the kids are still on Christmas break, they haven't wanted to do much, especially SJ he s not handling it well, he's so worried about his mom, poor kid. Mary really hasn't left her room, Amanda and Carrie have been taking care of the store. I go to tell the kids and my mom bye "see you three later, have a good day , and I'll text you later, we can meet for dinner", Lila smiles SJ shrugs, I'm sure that means he's not going unless his mom does, I miss them bye and head out, I get to our location and head in, I'm the last one here, not late so that's a plus, Marla texted me she has a Dr appt next weds I said we are filming I can't go, and told her sorry, was hoping it would help, she replied with an OK so hopefully she accepted that, at this point I don't need the aggravation, nor do I ever want it . I'm so worried about Mary, I feel lost, I don't think she feels safe, and I want her to, I'm trying but it's not working, and I feel like a failure. "Mom you want to meet dad later, we can go to dinner, see some lights, I know how you love the lights so many people still have them up " She shakes her head no "Sal I don't think so honey, maybe tomorrow we can do something" I know that's not going to happen she hasn't left the house since, really she hasn't left her room, she's not like my mom at all, she looks sad alot, and she's usually happy , laughing, it's hard to see I don't know how she feels I mean I know she's still scared , I hate the people who did this to her, I hope they get caught and thrown in jail, So they don't hurt anyone else, she smiles at me then closes her eyes , I sit in the chair in her room and close my eyes . I go upstairs after coming back home with Lila and dropping my mom at home, I see Mary is up, SJ and her are watching TV "hey you two, I brought Home dinner for you " Mary nods "thanks dad, was it crowded tonight?" "Eh not too bad, we didn't wait long to get a booth, SJ go eat buddy it's still! Warm, Lila wants to show you her wristband she got for her Fitbit she got you one too ", he looks at his mom "OK mom you need anything ?" She smiles at him adoriganly ",no honey I'm good " I watch him go "Sal tomorrow would you take me to work, do you mind dropping me off?" I'm really overjoyed she wants to go" of course I can pick you up to (,she nods and smiles ) anytime babe" she pats the bed I go sit by her She leans over and kisses me she smells like lavender, which I love "I put new sheets on the bed after I showered they are quite soft...I am still scared but I know I have to get up and face it, I don't want to, but I have to, and to show our kids , SJ that boy, he's been so incredibly sweet, Lila too they each have their own way of dealing, SJ by me all the time, Lila gravated to you, that's how they dealt with it, for them I'm trying and you, thank you baby for all you did for me and continue to do, I could not have dealt with this, without your honey, I just couldn't" she kisses me and hugs me, I hold her tight"I wouldn't be anyplace else " I hear her sigh and kiss my cheek she moves her body closer to mine and runs her hand under my shirt she drags her nails over my chest I shiver from the contact and look at her she places her lips on my neck gently sucking on it I fucking love that, and she knows it "Sal after the kids go to bed , alone time for us " she's so damn adorable , I nod yes and kiss her passionately, her lips are so soft, supple I love them, I love her "I will meet you here, I'll be the one in grey boxers eagerly awaiting your body pressed into mine " we laugh the head downstairs to spend time with the kids, I'm so releaved she wants to go to work tomorrow, one step at a time. Hi I'm waiting for Mary to come to bed she went to kiss the kids goodnight again, double hugs and kisses tonight I hear my text go off, I look it's Marla she's not feeling well, I ask her what's wrong she says she's been throwing up, I ask if she's sick or just from the baby she says probably the baby I tell here I'm sorry to eat crackers, hoping that will suffice I tell her I'll bring her ginger ale and whatever else she needs tomorrow she agrees Good it's a good night , I want to be right here, we told the kids we are together, they knew but it's official now,they are really happy, it's something they wanted, since we broke up. She comes in and joins me in bed she instantly kisses me I love her body pressed into mine "I was thinking, when you have you're break in March let's take a family vacation you want to?" Yeah I'd love that , I nod yes she smiles ,I know I've got to tell her about marla just not tonight, she's had a rough couple days and I just....Want her I lay us down and lay half on her she puts her arms around my neck kisses me ",they are so happy we are together, I mean they pretty much had it figured out, but seeing thier faces, made me so happy " I nod "by the way my Mom knows, she's over the moon happy, she kinda guessed so I told her you mind ?" "Honey it's you're mom, I adore her no I don't mind , " I lay my head on her chest she plays with my hair, thank God she's OK, I can't shake that feeling, I hate it , she rubs my back I move my head up to kiss her, she winces a little shoulder pain "baby you ok ?" She nods and adjust s herself "I missed you Sal, I want you so much, I want to feel you inside of me " I moan and kiss her moving my tounge into her mouth , she kisses me hard, I'm in my boxers, I gently move her T-shirt up I don't take it off so it doesn't hurt her shoulder , I carress her soft boobs, lick her nipples, then suck each one, "sal, my sal I love what you do to my body " , I look at her "yeah? You do huh? Tell me baby what do I do to you ?" She bites her bottom lip, I watch her face as I move my finger down into her panties, she's wet, I gently rub her clit, she gasps, I love her reaction she looks into my eyes " you make my body feel so good, you're fingers,you're mouth, you're (,she slides her hand into my boxers,gripping my dick that's very hard now ) very big.,...Fits perfectly inside of me, I mean it's a tight fit but feels so good,mmm Sal no one ever compares to you, (, I rub her clit faster she moans I love she's telling me what she is I move her panties down and off, rid myself of my boxers, "fill me up Sal, push it inside of me " oh fuck that's so hot, I push into her , she moans my name, I look into her eyes, as I slowly fuck her, it's so good, she moves with me, this is what I love, oh I love it all, when it's fast, frenzied , when she's shouting my name,telling me fuck her harder, it's incredible, but nothing compares to this, she's my one, this connection we have is amazing to me I'm going to cum, I want her to cum too, I bring my finger back to her clit, she bucks her hips up, I feel her thighs shake she's close, I cum inside of her, she whispers in my ear she felt my cum in her, I shiver then she cums she grips my hand and rides out her orgasm, once we catch our breath she looks at me "anyone can fuck, what you and I do, slowly make love, every inch of you I feel, I love your body, I love you sal, forver", I kiss her hold her to me,nothing has ever felt so right.


	16. Holding it together

I look at her, I'm not sure what to even say . "Sal its going to come out so just tell them,why are you waiting? Is it because you're dating someone? I mean she should know too, you're going to be a dad, (I look at her like are you for real) I mean again, a dad again, and you're kids will have a sibling, you can't keep this baby a secret, it's not right, or fair,I mean you're other kids, have everything"...."don't worry about what MY kids , just don't , as far as telling people I will, why do you keep pushing that? I'm not keeping the baby a secret , it's my business when I tell people in my life, " ..."who are you seeing?" I'm not answering that, I shake my head she's pissed too bad it's none of her business I hand her money for stuff she needs tell her to text me after her appointment Wednesday, she nods I leave, dammit to hell I've got to tell Mary, I can't wait any longer fml.  
,.....,…...........…..............................................

 

I missed him so much , my god I hug him close to me, it felt so good to work today, he picked me up and we are in my kitchen, the kids are with his dad till later, he picked them up from the store this afternoon, they came with me this morning I loved having them with me, I kiss him again and wrap my arms around his waist"I missed you alot today Mr Vulcano" I wink at him he smiles I kiss his sweet face mmmmm he smells so good,  
I inhale his scent, gently suck on his neck just be!ow his earlobe I hear him moan, I revel in it, I love it , he loves when I do that to him, the fact that I made him moan, makes me tingly, he takes my hand in his "baby , I've got to tell you something, " he leads me to the table we sit down He looks serious I feel worried now, he's rubbing my hand with his thumb, "Sal what's wrong? Honey what? Tell me " he looks at me, his green eyes look at me, "I......Marla's pregnant, with my baby, she came and told me, she's almost twelve weeks along," I stare at him, trying to register what he said, that bitch his ex that treated him so bad, is pregnant with his baby? My Sal is...Having a baby with her? Her?!! No this isn't..A baby ? "It's not something I planned, I'm thinking she didn't either I know it's not easy for us but we are together I'm not going to screw us up, I want to be with just you , I am doing what I need to , she realizes we are not a couple" ....I hate her , she didn't plan it? I'm sure this is a lie, "a baby with her? Sal you're having , a baby with her, she will forever be in you're life, it affects the kids too, and us.,..I mean where does that put us? " .,..."where we are now, we aren't changing, it will be an adjustment but Mary I love you, please know that, we can do this it'll be hard but you and me are so worth, baby i" .,he's pleading with me I ....A baby? With her? I feel alot right now he keeps looking at me I can't do this "Sal I ..Need I'm going upstairs I can't ..." He stands up by me "no please tell me what you're feeling, thinking , please " I feel....Pain in my heart .."you want to know? Really? (He nods yes but looks scared uneasy ) I'm sad, I hate it, not the baby, the baby is innocent in this ....I have you're having a baby with someone else, silly idk...We just shared that, and the thought crossed my mind before, if you met someone else, but...It's reality now, and she's a horrible person , she's ...And how will this work? I don't even know Sal, we just are back together, I love you, so much, these past few weeks have been just great with us, even with what happened, and....I'm trying so hard Sal...I ..It hurts, I'm selfish I guess for saying that, feeling it, selfish because I'm the only woman I wanted you to have kids with, and she's going to be in you're life forever " he looks so sad, I feel like such a bitch, but he wanted my honesty "it's not what I planned for me, i have you back, I don't want to be without you ever, it's going to be a challenge that's a fact we've been thru alot, we are strong, I love you Mary, I've loved you almost half my life, I can't imagine not loving you, being with you" he's so sweet, so sincere he's right I'm not letting this ruin us, I love this man, I hug him to me and kiss his cheek, "I'm with you , I'm not going anywhere" I hear him get choked up, I stay embracing him and rub his back, I whisper I love him, we stay that way for a while, neither wanting to let go of the other. We hear the kids come in he looks at me "honey if you want to tell them, I'll stand by you " he nods yes. ........,................................... I'm up before him, I kiss his cheek and go to brush my teeth last night was alot, but we all talked, we are going to be fine, I'm still not thrilled but it's not about me, it's about an unborn baby. I love him , he's my Sal, he doesn't need added stress , I go to get my toothpaste and drop it, I bend to pick it up and hear his voice, I feel his breathe on the back of my neck , I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, wth is going on? I can't shake this, I cover my face , desperately trying to make it go away, I feel a hand on my shoulder, I scream and move away , I look up to see Sal kneeling by me looking frightened I move my hands from my ears and blink he's talking I can't hear him ,I see his lips moving I close my eyes, trying to focus, then Open them , he's kneeling by me "Mary honey, are you ..Can you hear me??" I nod yes, I hear the kids knocking asking why did I scream I look at Sal he stands up opens the bedroom door he tells them I saw a spider, they laugh he comes back in , helps me up "I don't know...I kneeled down to get the toothpaste I dropped and ....I heard his voice....I couldn't shake it, I don't know Sal " he hugs me to his chest kisses my head, I do not know what just happened. ....,..................................... "Post traumatic , that's what it is ". I look at Q he nods "sal she needs to talk to someone, first time it's happened?"...."as far as I know she had two nightmares I had to wake her from after, but nothing like this morning, she looked thru me, like I wasn't there scared me so bad man " Q nods "it's alot bro, you know I can talk to her, I have had my share of, ...Well you know if she wants I'm here bro " he's such a good guy "thanks Bri it may help I appreciate it ". ..."it's alot for you both, no problem, I'm glad you told her about Marla , she loves you Sal, you're a lucky man " I know I am I'm blessed so much, I have to remember that when days feel ,get hard.


	17. Breathe in...breathe out..

I do not like this woman AT ALL , but...Sal Sal Sal..that's the chant in my head , when I think of her..Sal Sal Sal more important than her..and her..drama and she better not cause him stress he is doing all the right things for her, even though in no way shape or form she deserves it, anything from him. I walk into the studio I am meeting Sal for dinner I see her in there I know she was here he sent me a text, she also now knows I am with Sal, that went over lovely...not , Brian walks up to me hugs me , a big hug, I give him the same back. " Mr Quinn so nice to see you , I have not seen you in a bit, how 's it going?" he nods smiles, he's so damn cute " I am good...uh you know you wanna talk? Sal is talking to her about her appointment and yeah I don't want to be standing there , do you ? " I shake my head no  
he walks me over to some chairs we sit, it's just us, the crew is packing up, he looks at me and sighs I know that sigh "Brian what do you want to say? say it you know me Bri...lay it out there we have been friends too long" he nods " sal told me about what happened the other morning, and I want you ...to know...I am here to talk, vent, Mary I have been where you are, you know that , you were there for me, and I am ...same for you , you know that? I know what happened was awful, I can't even imagine and when I do it makes me sick...but that stuff will mess your mind up & you don't need that , you need to talk about it, what happened was traumatizing I know,. it was and ...well you know you can call me anytime and I will be there for you " I feel sick, not cause of Bri but he s right and somedays its been hard to shake what happened , I know its not normal, I know how worried Sal is" thanks Bri and ..honestly I would love to talk to you , about it well not love cause I hate it but I love the fact you are willing to . ..help me,listen to me...I know how worried sal is " he nods "he's worried but you are my goal darling, to help you would help him , so you promise? (I nod_) he smiles and holds my hand just then my favorite person walks up to us ugh...sal is behind her " I want to say I think it's nice you are sticking with Sal I mean if the roles were reversed I don't know if I would be so forgiving" Oooh just one punch, just one "there is nothing to forgive, so ...thanks..sal you ready to go? Brian I will text you later ok? " I stand up so does Bri he says bye to me hugs me, says bye to sal and marla and goes out the door, she's staring at me..oh this bitch...Sal Sal Sal..."well I have to go..thanks for the money Sal, and I will text you the next appointment we get to hear the heartbeat , I am so exicted!" "you let me know when I will be there, as long as I am in town" she nods and looks at me and goes Sal takes my hand and looks at me, nope not doing this she s gone and so is any conversation about her  
"I am hungry ready sweetheart? " he nods and we go..wow this is harder than I thought, even with my Sal sal sal mantra...dammit. ,.................................... Dinner was good, the food was great but being here with her, is what I love the most, I'm worried about her she said she was going to talk to Q which I'm glad about this isn't going to go away on its own, she's also dealing with Marla It's a lot right now for her, and me but we are together, that's what's happening that's how it should be. She tucks her hair behind her right ear as she's talking to me, I love when she does that . "Sal I'd love a mocha from Starbucks on the way home " I wink at her"whatever my lady wants " she smirks leans over the table "this lady wants you Mr Vulcano Everytime" I love her and tell her she smiles such a big smile we leave and hit the drive thru at Starbucks and head home, I'm basically staying at Mary's house, I'm comfortable there but then again I always had been , we walk in both kids are on the couch SJ looks upset Lila looks sad "hey my twins what's up?" Mary puts her coffee cup down looks at them then me SJ looks at her then me" did you have a nice time? " "we did honey you ok?" He gets up kisses Mary and says he's ok, but tired and going to bed he hugs me then says night to Lila and heads upstairs I look at Llila , she looks at us both " I'm tired too , glad you both had fun " she hugs me I kiss her head she hugs Mary then gets a kiss and heads upstairs but turns around " Olivia was texting him she was mean he showed me , she's a witch and I'll punch her for hurting him " she goes upstairs "on Sal, ugh he's just 13 this already you see how hurt he looked?" I nod " I'll meet you in our bedroom I'm going to talk to him " she kisses me and I head upstairs knock on his door, he says come in he's in bed looking at the ceiling poor kid, I sit on his bed he looks at me "I'm not ready for girls , I mean I like some but , I don't want a girlfriend, Olivia said I'm a big sissy, well she used a different word, I said I just wanted to be friends she was just so mean, I hate she hurt me I let her, do that, does it get any easier dad?" On man , well I'm not going to lie to him " it doesn't get easier, dating, isn't easy, it's messy, complicated, it hurts , makes you wanna hide under the blankets but....there are great times, you'll date some nice girls, then one day you'll find the one and that pain, you went thru will be a very distant memory, I knew I loved you're mom when I was 16 , yeah I know that's young, but she was, is, my one and we had broken up, and being back together now I know even more so what she means to me, I've been where you have been , I understand buddy, I am here for you I'm always here for you" He smiles and nods we talk more, rather he talks I listen.


	18. Yes, really

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

i study his face, i do that alot even after all the years I've known him, his eyes are beautiful, and always tell me his mood,I still remember seeing him for the first time, highschool play, west side story he and Brian and James were in it he had on jeans, a khaki shirt his hair was shaggy on top but short he sat behind me while the director Mr Emmit was talking to us, i was next to my friend Emma and a boy Sal went to school with Ryan was on my other side, he kept talking to me, I remember saying we shouldn't talk while Mr Emmit is, he scoffed at me and I heard a laugh, one I've loved since i turn around Sal is smiling at me my heart thumped in my chest , I had never felt that before, I turned back around, my cheeks were hot I felt warm...never had i felt that way , ever we got up after I turned to talk to Sal but he was walking away ,I remember feeling dejected how crazy is that. I went to get my backpack and Sal was there, I smiled felt that flush in my cheeks , he was blushing too , his first words to me were spoken that day, I cherish my memories with this man, the day we found out I was pregnant, he was so happy, he held me to him I felt so safe in his arms, I always have, then we found out it was twins, after he panicked, he was thrilled, but anxious, I fell in love with him all over again the day we became parents ,watching him with his new babies my heart was so full. Years with him, watching him rise to the fame he worked so hard for, he is the love of my life, my greatest joy, my worst pain, and I wouldn't change a thing, Im so blessed to be with this man , have him in my life, father to my babies, the only man that's ever loved me as much as I love him. He gets in bed after changing and telling me about SJ , Sal is such a good role model our son, he shows him how a man should be, and for our daughter, the kind of man she should be with, I close my eyes and see our memories so vivid, I open my eyes and see my Sal, he tilts his head which I adore, "baby I want you hear me, are you listening?" I nod yes " Thank you for understanding , for not leaving , for knowing this will be a challenge , but we can do this, I love you, love you so much....do you remember our first date? first time we kissed? " a smile spreads across my face, I nod , he places his hands on my face, cupping it gently he leans in "I said, you are so pretty and kissed you, in your backyard after we walked home from the church carnival, you kissed me back , you said , Sal you're eyes , I'm lost in them, and I kissed you again , cherry vanilla lip balm youre lips tasted so good, I will say it again ,that night I knew , I would always love you , my one" everytime he tells this story i tear up its true and heartfelt, he was 16 I was 15 1\2 , then we knew he gently kisses me , I feel his strong lips kissing me, He pulls back all little, he's teary eyed, he's an emotional man and I love him for that "Sal , what?" " I can't ever be without you , what could have happened to you....it's in my head " his voice trails off, I smooth his hair "but it didn't I'm here, try not to think of that, it will make you crazy " he nods and lays us down , he lays on top of me, I love his body on mine, we kiss more, My hands roam his body, his hands run down my sides, he rubs my thighs, his fingertips rub my inner thigh I feel how wet he's making me , I feel his hardness agaisnt my leg, his tounge is in my mouth , I moan and reach down to feel him, my hand lowers into his boxers, he's so hard I gently rub the tip he moans and looks at me, "what does my man want? a blowjob? rub it ? or be inside of me?" he groans " how can I pick all three are amazing, but right now being in you makes my dick even harder, " I lick my lips, " so you're going to fuck me? " he grins and raises his eyebrow "a good fucking is what I'm going to give you, you're so sexy, I think about doing that to you alot, I love licking you're sweet pussy, I can't get enough of you or youre body " he slides my panties down his thumb grazes my clit, my flesh feels on fire, he sits up kneeling "get up baby, turn around and kneel " I do wha he asked he molds his body to min from behind his arm around my waist , both of us on our knees he moves his middle finger down my clit then back up, gently rubbing it, "you're pussy is so wet, I mean it's mine right?" I nod he says he can't hear me " it's yours no one else's Sal, you own it" he bites my neck not hard but I jump a little "that's right Its mine, Im the only man to touch it, lick it, finger it, fuck it, and I love it" I nod then moan Im so close to cumming, "baby put your hands against the wall over the headboard, " I do it, and moan, missing the contact on my clit, he's right behind me now his dick touching my upper thigh, he reaches around me to finger me again Oh God I moan his name he moves my hip slightly with his other hand bending me a little , his mouth is against my ear "want me to fuck you?" Oh please ! !! "yes babe so much " he rubs the tip along my entrance "ask me baby" I groan "fuck me Sal, please fuck me , fuck me hard, Please I need you in me!" I am aching for it , he bends me a little more than pushs into me , omg " fuck baby, I'm fucking you, damn you're tight " hes so big its tight most of the time, he moves his finger back rubbing me I moan loudly its so good, he rubs faster , I cum i slap my hand on the wall, he grabs my hips and starrs pounding into me from behind , the position we are in and how hard he s fucking me, I want to scream" babe I'm close to cumming, its time to fuck you harder" harder my god then whats he doing right now? oh he shows me, he moans squeezing my hips hard, I feel him cum, he groans and keeps pounding into me, he slows down then slower he s panting I am too he slowly pulls out I turn to look at him , he winks at me , we move to lay down, I kiss his lips he lays next to me throws his arm over me "yes , really i love you" I smile he said that in response to me asking him really you love me? when we we're seniors in high school, and it always brings a smile to my face when he says it to me.


	19. Away they go

My loves are leaving in two days Lila has been packing since yesterday, SJ needs to start, Sal's almost packed I'm going to miss them, it's going to be so quiet at home, but they will have fun on tour, there's so much to do over there inbetween show times .and they adore him, they are so proud of him if makes me so happy . I'm driving home the twins spent the day at Sal's getting things done there I will check on his place while they're gone. I get home Sal texted me they are there and brought dinner I pull in I get out and a police car pulls in behind me, not uniformed policemen two men in suits ,I recognize one he came to the hospital, they introduce themselves, they ask if we could talk to me about the robbery, I invite them in the twins and Sal are laughing playing cards I see dinner on the counter , they turn and look at us, I tell Sal they want to talk to me about the robbery, I ask the kids to go to the living room , Sal asks if they want anything to drink , they decline then we sit he holds my hand ,detective Miller tells me a similar incident happened to a woman yesterday as she was leAving her place of business, same scenario, he wanted to go over a few details with me, I help him to the best of my knowledge, I ask if the woman is ok he says she's still in the hospital, they beat her , my God that poor woman, beat her, why? I mean they are pos, ok Rob her but why hurt her physically? He sAys they will be in touch if they need anything else and wish me well, Sal shows them out , I get some water I feel so sick I drink some water at the kitchen sink, Sal comes in I turn to look at him and just break down and cry he walks to me pulls me into him and holds me he kisses my head and holds me tight, I'm sad for the other woman and I'm still scared. He tells me it's ok, he's here ..his words make me cry harder , I hear the kids Sal tells them something I can't hear I feel bad I'm probably upsetting them but I can't stop crying.  
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She had dinner with us, she talked to the kids said she's ok, I know she's not they do too I can tell, she went up to shower, Sj and Lila are emptying the dishwasher , I call my dad I step away from the kids , I tell him what happened tonight how I'm worried about leaving her for almost three weeks, I need advice ,he understands how I feel, he will help me he always does, I don't know what I'd do without him and my mom , I listen , thank him then check on the kids "dad my new backpack holds a lot if you need mine for more space " I wink at her "thanks baby girl I just may need yours too , I have you're passports with mine so that's done, we're picking up Colby and Bri for the airport, so one day to go , don't forget you're earplugs, Dramamine, I've got the other meds for headaches, upset stomach, colds, couge, first aid kit " they laugh "dad you're on top of it all, my pops got it going on " I high five SJ , funny kid, I go upstairs , she's in her closet I hug her from behind kiss her head she turns and kisses me " are they ok? I didn't mean to...breakdown " I can't believe her "don't apologize ever for showing you're feelings they are ok, I promise you tomorrow night I'm taking you out, just us , it's a Saturday so we'll spend the day with the kids, I need one on one time with you before I leave, Amanda and Sara have the store taken care of I already talked to Amanda, you n me babe " she smiles and hugs me , whispers in my ear, "I love you my Sal, always " I just love her so much , so damn much .


	20. Something is off

I hear Sal talking to Marla he's getting ready to go out, we are rather, we spent the day with the kids, we went zip lining, rather they did..we watched, went out to lunch and shoe shopping, his Mom is staying with them while we go out, she needs her Lila and SJ fix since she won't see them for a while. I hear him say he will be at her next appointment he's sorry he will miss the heartbeat one, I am thinking, she says she is 5 months along, the appointment to find out the sex of the baby she went to last month, he missed it, cause he was out of town, funny at 4 months along they can't tell what the sex is, you do not know that till 5 months and the heartbeat appointment is early on not 5 months, funny how all her appointments are when he's out of town , the more I think the more something is not right here, and I am going to figure it out, he gets off the phone and smiles at me, "ten min babe I will ready" I nod "no problem, I am all ready " I follow him to the bathroom as he trims up his beard  
I lean in the doorway "do you know the name of her OB Dr?" he looks at me "no..I don't think she's ever mentioned it to me, why?" interesting "oh just wondering" oh I am going to wonder more when he leaves..she is ...something is just not right, I go and kiss his face he holds me around my waist "hey pretty lady wanna have sex?" I smirk "with you , always , but dinner would be nice first since I am quite hungry handsome" he laughs and lets me go ...I go to get my tall grey boots he loves, the man loves boots on me, and I aim to please him, he comes out and walks by ...backs up I look up from zipping my boot up "really you wanna have sex? " I laugh out loud and kiss him "sure...now? and then later?": he stares at me, I lick my bottom lip he locks our bedroom door , takes my hand and we go into the bathroom , he closes that door and presses me up against it...about 20 min later, we are headed out, clothes fixed , hair smoothed and two very happy people.  
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"so you promise and I mean promise...you will set both alarms ?" I nod and kiss his face "I promise, Sal those alarms are great , trust me I will be fine honey" he does not look convinced I stroke his hair  
and kiss his face again, we re in a back boothe next to one another , candle on the table, It's quite lovely , and he is so sexy, so handsome, so sweet " you know I will miss you so much, and the kids of course, ....sleeping alone, no fun since I have gotten you back " he shakes his head " you never lost me, know that " I nod, how sweet my God I could cry, I do not, "memory for you ....remember homecoming senior year?" I look at him and think and then nod he smiles and rubs my arm then my hand " you know I never told you , this,..I was so nervous I was sick before I came to get you  
like sick , I threw up, twice, I made sure I took my suit jacket and tie off, brushed my teeth twice, used scope mouthwash , I changed my shirt cause I was all sweaty my mom ironed my pants again, yeah a mess I was ": I laugh " Sal, you ..I had no idea you looked...so good when you got to my house, dark blue suit, white shirt dark blue tie" he nods "yeah well originally I had a lighter blue shirt to match  
my suit..what a freaking mess I was...ha was...still am " I laugh and touch his face" you are not a mess...now...and why were you so nervous? we had been dating 4 months then " he looks down then up  
"you , I loved you so much, and our first dance , and...my past dating..all of it, stupid huh?" "no not at all Sal, infact since we are sharing....I have something I never told you"he looks at me smiling  
"well then go on my lady" I laugh and look at my hands then him "ok but remember this was a long time ago but...honestly I am sure I would do It again..(he looks puzzled) you're ex , about two months after we started dating she kept talking smack about you to me, I had history and gym with her, remember?(he nods) so I ignored cause you know she was stupid and annoying and come to find out a big whore (he nods ) one day in gym she was talking about how Ed Fischer was taking her to homecoming and how he is so great and blah blah and you were such a loser and she was going to have such a great time with him , cause he was not you ...this was during gym, after class and we went to change she started in again about you, I looked at my friend Minnie , you know in an all girls school you needed a look out , well yours too I am sure all boys, gotta watch out for another..I grabbed her by her white oxford collared shirt and slammed her into the gym locker I got inches from her face , I had such a grip on her she could not move, I said you see that story in the paper about the body they found in the new York harbor the man that was attached to cement blocks? mob related they say...you know I am Italian right? she was all wide eyed at this point, I said my Dad has mob connections , its really easy to make you disappear , keep Sal's name out of you're mouth, and if you think I am playing look up my familys name Cardelli, we have quite the history, I smiled and let her go...you know she never talked to me again, or talked about you to me?" he looks bewildred then he laughs "babe you did that?" I nod  
and sip my wine, he shakes his head " that's awesome...you are...wow..I gotta say ....that story turned me on a little too " I playfully smack his arm and laugh "baby I love you " I kiss him deeply and look into his beautiful green eyes "I love you too my Sal" we eat our dinner and share more memory's we head home I hold his hand on the counsel inbetween us, I look forward to spending the night with him in our bed...very forward.


	21. On bended knee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

He turns and looks at me "we are close to our park, wanna stop? For old times sake?" I nod and smile, we spent a lot of time there in high school and after, after every high school dance, or a date we would go there and talk for hours, and make out, we had many meaningful and heartfelt conversations there, we took the kids there when they were little for picnics, we've taken family portrait s there, we have not been there in about four years, I'm glad he suggested it, he pulls in and parks we get out , I take his hand and we walk over to the bridge the water is frozen, no ducks but it looks so peaceful, "remember you taught the kids how to fly a kite here, that was fun, they laughed and squealed so much that day " he nods then says "after prom , we came here, skipped the after prom festivities , got McDonald's, talked till the sun came up, man I loved that night " I smile "me too...so many memories here for us Sal , "ooh the kids third birthday party here, the first time they had pinatas at their party (he laughs remembering) uh huh swing and a miss til! Daddy took over, when all that candy poured out, those kids went crazy , such a good daddy, and you knew if you didn't hit that hanging monkey and giraffe we'd be there till midnight, " he laughs shakes his head "memories for sure babe" he adjusts the button on his wool coat he holds both my hands in his "oh remember that time I asked you to marry me?" I look at him, what did he just say , I start to answer him, he bends down on one knee in the palm of his leather glove is a sparkling diamond ring, he holds it up " I love you with all that I am, I've loved you more than half my life, you are the sweetest woman, you are my Angel , you stood by and encouraged me to pursue my dream, you gave me two beautiful, amazing children, you own my heart, Mary, and I want you to be my wife" I kneel down and hug him to me he laughs "I'm the one that s supposed to kneel" I pull back "I love you my Sal, you own my heart as well, yes I'll marry you, I adore you baby " I kiss his sweet lips he pulls my glove off and puts the ring on my finger it's gorgeous, I look at it, then him, tears of happiness roll down my cheeks he wipes them away "omg I'm marrying you Sal!" I laugh we stand up and hug, such a surprise , I had no idea I love this night I love this man, who I'm spending the rest of my life with.  
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The kids and his mom knew he was proposing tonight. Along with his dad and other family who called to congratulate us, the kids are over the moon , They can't stop smiling, Lila started crying when I showed her the ring on my finger SJ teared up, Sal too, and his mom , oh wth we are a family of crybabies , and I love them all. After his mom leaves and the kids go to bed we head up to bed too, I cannot stop looking at my ring, it's beautiful, he's beautiful, he's going to be my husband, I've always wanted this , and it's here, it happened I will treasure this day the rest of my life "you sure you like it babe? I just want to be sure, I love the square cut and you've commented in the past on that style " "Sal it's what I would have chosen, I love it ,I love you , you have very good taste " I look at it again he lifts my chin under his hand leans in and kisses me I wrap my arms around his waist , then move one hand to his chest I love touching his body , we move to our bed he unzips my skirt it falls to the floor I unzip his khakis and gently rub inside the waist band of his boxers he moans against my lips I pull back a little "do you know how sexy you are?" He grins his beautiful dimples appear "if I'm being honest ,yeah I do know " I laugh he's the best "well I'm glad you know, but I'm still going to say it to you " he twists his mouth "daily, if you could that would be great, thanks " I laugh out loud he's so funny I eagerly kiss his sweet supple lips and unbutton his shirt he pulls my cardigan off then my cami up and over my head I pull him down on top of me he kicks his khakis off then socks, I'm working on the last button of his shirt he smells delicious, my hands are all over his body, he moves his lips to my shoulder then neck his lips set my skin on fire, he stops and looks at me "what honey?" He looks so sweet "this may or may not be the right time but I've never wanted any woman as much as I want you " my heart .."it's the perfect time to say it, anytime is because I love hearing it Mr Vulcano " he grins then we proceed to where we left off , the feeling of him inside me is so good, we definitely got better with time , knowing what the other wants, likes and needs I crave his body most days, the other days I just attack him . He moves quicker I lift my hips to feel him deeper and I do , I grab onto his sides I feel him cum his body shakes he lays his head on my shoulder I kiss the side of his head after a few minutes he moves next to me laying on his side facing me I feel his hand move down he pushes my thighs apart kisses my lips , he moves and lays by my legs oh my God I feel his breathe on my stomach I close my eyes his lips kiss my belly button then his tounge swirls around my clit "open you're eyes "I do and look down at him "watch baby...." oh my Goodness I nod , he's so sexy I watch his head move down and his tounge lick me I moan too loud I cover my mouth I know I'm just going to get louder he moves his eyes looking into mine as he slowly licks me I can't , the intense way he's looking at me , his tounge on me I cum and buck my hips up oh my god, Sal I move my hand from my mouth he smiles moves up my body and thrusts into me he's so hard I moan into his shoulder he licks my earlobe "you're beautiful, sexy , I love making you cum " I moan"I love when you make me , that was so good Sal that tounge you've got.....everytime Sal .." he grins "just for you baby ..." he moves quicker he's pounding into me "fuck I ... so good baby, I love you my girl " I kiss his face I feel him cum "love you my Sal" he moans and lays his sweaty head on my chest panting , 15 days without this too .. oh my.


End file.
